“How quaint the ways of Paradox…”

One of the most absorbing books my parents gave me at Christmas was a volume titled “English Through Pictures”. In it, they introduced vocabulary and grammatical concepts strictly through the use of illustrations accompanied by one or more English words.

For me the enchanting bits were the fifty pages or so of the Introduction — each page in a particular language giving instructions to whomever might be able to read it. There were the usual French, German, Spanish… but there were also Tamil, Telugu, Bahasa Indonesia, Thai, Croatian, Russian, Arabic, Amharic, Farsi, Shqip, Korean, Armenian…

I’m not sure what brought this to mind, but given the fact that I have trouble these days remembering whether I put my pants on forwards, the sudden appearance in my conscious mind of the phrase “Bahasa Inggeris dengan djalan melihat gambargambar” made me wonder whether there was a faint chance that this reflected something I had seen while studying that book.

Sure enough, Thanks Be To Online Translate, it turned out to be a faithful memory.

At the time I was struck by the use of noun doubling to designate plural, and with some searching I found that gambargambar, gambar-gambar and gambar2 all amounted to “pictures” in the various orthographies of that region.


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Help for the hapless: Windows Slowly Eating Your External Storage.

For all the fellow poor sods out there who have found recent versions of Windows slowly eating your outboard USB-connected disk volumes, some urgent caution: don’t reformat diddly until you do some additional checking.

Plugging in one of my primary backup media, a 1 TB drive connected through one of those nifty little external drive connection kits with the Hitachi chip set, I had two weeks ago backed up successfully to it. Today it registers not at all in the list of mounted drives. The Disk Management facility notes that there is a “healthy” 1 TB volume with no apparent content; perhaps I would like to format it to make it useful?

Switching to another 1 TB volume that had 3 drive partitions, I see that two of them register and the third is a healthy partition with no content.

OK, let’s fire up the faithful Seagate Free Agent disk. Hmmmm…. A lovely large disk ripe and ready for formatting and use. Which would be nice were there not 0.8 TB of useful data on it already. Some of it was only duplicated on one of the other disks that was now a blank slate.

Added to that was the alarming error code 24620 in the System log, indicating that “Encrypted volume check: Volume information on {long encoded disk name} could not be read” by the Bitlocker driver. (NB, Bitlocker is not in use, and the service is disabled.) Something was gunging vital data structures in those reserved areas on the disk.

Or perhaps not.

Fortunately, I plugged the drives into a different computer. A Surface RT. It mounted all the volumes happily. Data integrity-R-Us. Total data loss approximates zero. Happy dance.

After a great deal of search engine usage of impressive Knowledge Bases and technical help forums, I stumbled across a casual comment: “And by the way, just assigning a drive letter to the anonymous volume will make it come back to life.”

Which was in fact the case for all but one of the combinations of drives and Hitachi-based adaptors. The real cure-all, I have finally been informed, is to disconnect everything USBish except for keyboard and mouse and delete the file INFCACHE.1 in whichever directory it finds itself, then plug in anything USB other than the device you had trouble with, which will force Windows to completely rebuild the driver information cache.

People could be forgiven for equating some of these solutions to painting your face with various stripes of red and yellow, donning a ceremonial garment and executing the proper magickall dance, all the while brandishing the correct ritual objects.

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The Trombone Disquisition

During our Salad Days (or perhaps our Early Appetizer Days) as recently-weds in Frankfurt am Main, for reasons no longer in memory (perhaps related to the number of empty bottles with the blazon “Mosel-Saar-Ruwer”), the topic of discussion one evening was my short history as a Trombonist at school in grades 5 and 6, and my subsequent apostasy from Trombonism.

At some point, I mentioned the necessity of lubricating the trombone slide with trombone oil.

In a moment of indiscretion, she asked: “Where does trombone oil come from?”

I gave her the “I will love this” look; she gave me the “Oh frack, I am not going to like this” look.

I replied: “Pressed trombone seeds.”

I further noted: “You should not visit a plantation of trombones, when they are in bloom, without ear protection.”

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A Semi-Socratic Dialogue Regarding Current Events

“…and so, as I have shown, the Kleptoligarchs divert the entire wealth of Society to themselves, sparing only that tiny mite needed to keep the wheels of production turning.”

“But surely, Master, it would be in their own best interests to forgo much of that diverted wealth, thusly enriching Society considerably, so that the overall wealth might increase manifold, and their own substantial wealth withal.”

“Alas, such is not the case: they have already thousands of times more wealth than any single person could possibly enjoy within a hundred lifetimes.

“There is no need for them to enrich Society — from their vantage, all is proceeding as it should.”
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Concerning the Governance Of Commercial Enterprises and Other Human Endeavours.

Many years ago, working for a briefly successful corporation, I noticed that persons near the top of their local Large Primate Dominance Hierarchy strongly tend to lose touch with the details they need to guide the Ship Of Commerce.

Specifically, I observed that glass-walled conference room on the 4th floor of the 8400 building, where it appeared that nearly all executive decisions were made solely on the basis of information created within that conference room.

I developed from this the notion of the Coefficient of Removal From Reality, suggesting that its local value approached 1.0 as one neared the doors of that Fateful Room.

Subsequent experience, however, demonstrated to me that this was a Newtonian construct that really needed an Einsteinian update. Thus was born the


which describes the warping of information space by a concentration of Top Minds such that, although information cannot enter in any significant quantities, Authoritative Directives will be emitted constantly from the event boundary of a sufficiently massive gathering.

I may need to consider an analogous quantum-theoretical extension.

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On The Intrinsical Loveliness of Minimum Wage Jobs.

So, I have been recently assured that working in fast food and sit-down food service is “easy”, requires no skill or thought, and persons who work in these slots, since they can’t be bothered to get a better job, REALLY shouldn’t be paid more than the slightest pittance (or whatever the current gang of Republican hoons considers to be a tolerable minimum wage (except for tipped staff, of course — they get a LOT less.))

Well, I’ve got news for you, Bunky: go to your nearest fast food joint and hang around there between 11:00 and 13:00. Bring a stop watch and a clipboard with paper and a writing instrument. (I’ve done several time and motion studies, and that’s the equipment you will need.)

Choose a particular employee, and log what she does, and how long she takes with each task. You may find it difficult to keep up, because the work focus changes every five to eleven seconds.

You can’t write that fast.

If you were just now dropped into that “easy” job with the understanding that if you screw up more than three times in a row you are terminated, you would be out the door on your ass in under six minutes.

But that’s not your worry — you got your burger.

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On The Folly Of Enforced Standardized Testing

without sanity checks.

There are lessons from fields other than public education to be considered.

Years ago, I obtained the FCC Radiotelephone Operator First Class License. In that era it, along with the Amateur Extra Class license (DE KL7F), was considered to be functionally equivalent to a BS in Electrical Engineering by some firms when making hiring decisions. In the broadcast industry, it was required in order to function as the Chief Engineer of a radio station.

When I took up my duties at the AM station in Kodiak, AK, one of the things required by regulation was to gather copies of the licenses of all the persons who would be “operating” the station (i.e. pulling a board shift) and to place them in a container where the FCC inspectors, should they ever show up, could easily find them. Doing so, I found that three other employees had First Phone tickets.

I asked the station manager: “If you already have three Firsts on staff, why did you hire me?”

“Heh,” quoth he. “Those guys have troubles with light switches. Not one of them could tell you which end of a resistor is the cathode.”

It turned out that, because of FCC regulations requiring that a First Phone operator be on duty whenever the antenna system was “directional” (i.e. after local sundown), and due to economic considerations discouraging a station from having more than one person pulling the night shifts, stations tended to hire announcers/operators who had a First Phone ticket.

But passing the First exams was A Hard Thing, and Johnny Goodpipes and Fred Tightboard weren’t at all inclined to take up electronics in any serious manner.

Whatever were they to do?

Well, they could enroll in any number of schools that, after you paid them $N,000, would cram you and drill you until you could pass Elements I, II, III and IV. No matter how many times you went to the Houston FCC office and took the tests.

The end result: rampant fully-licensed electronic illiteracy.  

Eventually the FCC dropped the regulation, ended the issuance of First Phone tickets, and declared that Station Management were now fully responsible for determining that the station was being operated in compliance with technical standards.

When last I checked, the General Radio Operator License (which replaced the First — they mailed me a new certificate) is now only required for the person who maintains the studio-to-transmitter radio link.

Be very careful what you incent.

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